Name It To Tame It: Why Teaching Emotional Language Matters

Every parent knows the feeling: your child melts down over something that seems small, snaps at a sibling, collapses into tears at the end of the day, or suddenly refuses to cooperate. These moments can feel confusing, exhausting, and sometimes personal, especially when they arrive right as you’re running out of energy yourself.

But children aren’t giving us a hard time on purpose. They’re having a hard time telling us what they need.

Big behaviors are often the outward expression of big, unmet needs or overwhelming emotions. Young children especially don’t yet have the language or skills to explain what they’re experiencing inside or what would help them feel better. Instead, those feelings come out through crying, yelling, shutting down, or acting out. When we shift our perspective from “How do I stop this behavior?” to “What is my child trying to tell me?”, we open the door to connection and to teaching the emotional skills that will support them for life.

For many parents, teaching emotional skills can feel overwhelming. You might wonder what to say in the moment, worry about doing it “wrong,” or feel unsure how to help your child make sense of their big feelings. The good news is that emotional literacy doesn’t require special lessons or extra time in your day. It grows naturally through everyday interactions, especially when children are given language for what they’re experiencing.

One of the most foundational emotional skills is simply having a shared language for feelings. When an emotion is acknowledged and named, it often becomes more manageable. Naming emotions helps children (and adults!) feel understood and gives them tools to communicate instead of acting things out.

Here are a few practical ways to weave teaching emotional language into your daily routines.

Narrate your own emotions.

Children learn first by watching you. Talking aloud about what you’re feeling, why, and how you’re coping models healthy emotional awareness and regulation.

For example, “I feel frustrated that I’m having a hard time finding where this puzzle piece goes. I’m going to take a deep breath, work on another piece for a minute, then come back and try again.”

This kind of narration shows children that emotions are normal and that there are constructive ways to respond when things feel hard.

Name what you notice in your child.

When kids are overwhelmed, they often don’t yet have the words to explain what’s happening inside. Gently reflecting what you observe can help them build that connection.

You might say:

• “Your face is red and your breaths are quick. Are you feeling angry?”

• “There are tears in your eyes. Are you feeling sad?”

• “Wow, you must feel so proud that you finished that coloring page!”

Even if you don’t get it exactly right, offering possibilities teaches children to tune into their bodies and emotions while showing them you’re trying to understand.

Talk about emotions in stories.

Books are a powerful way to practice emotional awareness in low-pressure moments. While reading together, pause to ask questions like:

• “How do you think that character is feeling?”

• “What do you think made them feel that way?”

• “What might help them right now?”

These conversations build empathy and perspective-taking, while helping children recognize emotional cues in others.

Add emotional language to familiar games.

You don’t need new activities to teach feelings. You can build them into games you already play:

• Uno: When a Wild Card changes colors, share a situation that matches the color (red = mad, yellow = happy, etc.).

• Charades: Take turns making faces or body poses that represent different emotions for the other person to guess.

• Guess Who: Narrow down characters based on what they look like they might be feeling.

Playful moments like these make learning emotional language fun and helps the lessons stick.

Go deeper with feeling words.

As your child’s vocabulary grows, help them move beyond basic emotions by introducing more specific words. This gives them better tools to express what’s really happening inside.

For example:

• Mad: frustrated, furious, annoyed

• Happy: joyful, excited, hopeful, proud, powerful, playful, silly

• Sad: hurt, disappointed, guilty, lonely, ignored, betrayed, embarrassed

• Scared: nervous, anxious, terrified, overwhelmed, worried

• Surprised: amazed, confused, startled, shocked

The more precise the language, the easier it becomes for children to communicate their needs.

Emotional literacy isn’t built through perfect responses or scripted conversations. It grows through thousands of small, ordinary moments — during puzzles, bedtime stories, car rides, and games on the living room floor.

You don’t have to get it right every time. What matters most is showing up with curiosity, naming feelings when you can, and modeling compassion for yourself and your child along the way. Over time, these simple practices lay the groundwork for resilience, connection, and healthy emotional development.

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