Helping Kids Build Healthy Friendships

Few things tug at a parent’s heart like friendship struggles: the tears after being left out, the confusion over shifting loyalties, the intensity of "best friends" one day and not friends the next

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Childhood friendships can be some of the most formative relationships in a person’s life, for better or worse. These early connections are where children practice social skills, problem solving, empathy, repair, creativity, and identity development. Childhood friendships are often some of the templates we form for every future relationship.

For parents, watching your child navigate friendships can be tough. It’s hard to balance protecting them from hurt, sharing your own wisdom, and giving them space to learn through experience. While we can’t walk every step for them, we can help guide meaningful conversations about what healthy friendships look like.

Here are a few ideas to explore with your child:

Friendships are special.

Not everyone who is kind automatically becomes a close friend. At the same time, everyone deserves kindness and respect. Talking about the difference between being friendly and being a friend helps kids understand boundaries while staying compassionate. Some relationships are based on shared needs or activities. But only a few develop based on shared values and wanting the best for each other.

Friends can have other friends.

Jealousy in childhood friendships is incredibly common. Kids can feel threatened when their friend connects with someone new. Your child’s friendships don’t have to be exclusive to be meaningful. Love doesn’t divide—it multiplies. Helping kids understand that they can belong in more than one space, and so can their friends, builds flexibility and emotional security. Being left out does hurt, and that should be validated. But we are helping kids move from scarcity ("You're either my friend or theirs") to abundance ("There's space for all of us").

Friendships are worth working through.

Disagreements and hurt feelings are part of being human. But one of the most valuable skills kids can learn that will carry them through the rest of their lives is how to repair after conflict. Encourage your child not to give up on a friendship after one conflict. Resilience grows when kids begin to learn that relationships can bend without breaking. At the same time, help them notice patterns: occasional disagreements are normal; ongoing disrespect is not okay.

A true friend lets you be yourself.

Belonging should not require pretending. If your child feels they have to change or hide parts of themselves to fit in, that's worth having a conversation about. A true friend is someone your child can be (and like) themselves around, disagree with and repair safely, and feel relaxed with. Friendships should be energizing, not draining.

It’s okay to let some friendships go.

Not every friendship lasts forever. As kids grow, their values and personalities develop, and interests shift. Sometimes a friendship fades naturally; other times it is more abrupt. If your child can’t resolve ongoing problems or feels they’re losing sight of what matters to them, it’s okay to step back and focus on other connections. Remember that grieving these friendships is normal and healthy.

Be the kind of friend you want to have.

A significant lesson for kids to learn is that they are not just recipients of friendship, they are participants in shaping it. Kindness, having fun together, trust, flexibility, and repair are all qualities that matter. Modeling them as a parent, especially in how you handle conflict, repair, and speak about others, teaches your child what being a good friend looks like.

Friendships will come with ups and downs, seasons of connection and seasons of loneliness, but each experience teaches valuable skills. With gentle guidance and open conversations, you can help your child build relationships that support their growth, confidence, and sense of belonging.

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