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Co-Parenting Through the Holidays

  • thekidstherapycenter
  • 1 hour ago
  • 3 min read
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For many families, the holiday season includes packing bags, swapping schedules, coordinating rides, and moving between two homes. Even in positive co-parenting relationships, this time of year can add extra layers of stress and emotion. Kids may feel excited and overwhelmed, and you may notice an increase in anxiety, clinginess, irritability, or big behaviors.


With a little intentional planning, co-parents can help create predictability, reduce stress, and keep the holidays meaningful and magical for their children.


Plan Ahead

The biggest gift you can give your child is predictability. Review the holiday schedule early and make sure your child knows what to expect, like when they’ll be with each parent, what events they’ll attend, and how transitions will happen. A simple calendar on the fridge or a visual schedule can help younger children feel more secure.

If plans need to change, as they often do, give your child as much notice as possible.


Kid Decisions vs. Adult Decisions

Children should never feel responsible for choosing between parents or managing the holiday schedule. Those are adult decisions. Kids get to choose smaller things, such as which pajamas to pack, which ornament to hang first, or which book goes in their travel bag.

Keeping children out of adult negotiations protects them from guilt and emotional overload.


Communicate Clearly With Your Child and the Other Parent

Open, respectful communication between homes goes a long way, especially this time of year. When parents share information about routines, events, expectations, and gifts, it reduces confusion and can help prevent resentment and hurt feelings.

Talk with your child, too. Ask what they’re excited about and what feels hard. Validate all their feelings — joy, sadness, frustration, worry. Kids do best when they know their emotions are welcome with both parents.


Help Them Choose or Make a Gift for Their Other Parent

This simple but meaningful gesture gives kids permission to love both parents openly. Allowing them to pick out or create a gift communicates that you want them to feel connected and cared for in both homes. It also fosters generosity, empathy, and confidence.


Keep Beloved Traditions and Create New Ones

It’s okay if holidays look different after separation or divorce. Kids often find comfort in the stability of familiar rituals, so try to hold onto a few traditions that matter most, such as decorating cookies, reading a holiday book, attending a community event, or watching a favorite movie together.

You can also build new rituals unique to your home. These don’t have to be elaborate: a special breakfast, a new ornament each year, or a “welcome home” ritual after transitions can deepen connection and give kids something to look forward to.


Self-Regulate

Kids absorb the emotional temperature of their environment. The parent's job is to be the thermostat and regulate the temperature, not the thermometer that reacts to the temperature. When parents stay grounded and steady, even during tight schedules or tricky transitions, children feel safer and more able to regulate themselves.

Take care of your own holiday stress: slow down where you can, breathe, hydrate, eat regularly, and give yourself grace. Modeling regulation is one of the most powerful gifts you can give your child that will keep on giving.


A Note on High-Conflict or Unsafe Co-Parenting Situations

Not every co-parenting relationship is cooperative, predictable, or safe. If communication with your co-parent is strained or not possible, focus on what you can control: creating stability in your home, supporting your child’s emotional needs, and keeping routines consistent. If safety is a concern, seek guidance from a trusted professional — a therapist, attorney, or advocate who can help you navigate the situation with your child’s well-being at the center.


Holidays spent between two homes can be both joyful and challenging for kids. With patience, planning, and a focus on emotional safety, parents can help their children feel grounded, connected, and cared for throughout the season. Even small acts of consistency and kindness make a big impact. No matter what your family’s structure looks like, your presence, empathy, and steadiness are what make the holidays truly meaningful for your child.


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