Taming Worries

Being occasionally nervous about something—going to a sleepover for the first time, starting a new school year, singing in the school choir concert—is a very normal experience to have in childhood. Being nervous can be useful because it means, to some degree, we care about that thing.

Worrying—when nerves don't go away, or they show up at many different things, or they keep coming back at things we've done already—can be paralyzing for a child and keep them from experiencing new things. Worrying is not useful or helpful to our growth and resilience. Here are some tips to try with a child who has trouble taming the worries.

1. Let your child do things on their own. It can be tempting to want to save our kids from discomfort, failure, or having to face the thing they are worried about. But, we don't want to reinforce the message that we think they can't handle anxiety or cope on their own. This hinders their resilience, emotional growth, and self-confidence.

2. Help your child practice being present. Almost all worries are either about the past or about the future. So, one way to avoid getting stuck in the worry is to focus on what is happening right now. Try practicing a mindfulness technique with your child, such as deep breathing or naming what they see/smell/feel/hear/taste. Adding this to your daily routine can also foster a closer connection with your child.

3. Make sure your child is getting enough sleep for their age and the right nutrition. Often, stuck thoughts can be a sign of poor sleep, a nutritional deficiency, or a food sensitivity. Make sure your child is getting at least 8-9 hours of sleep per night and has a good bedtime routine. Make sure they are taking a quality multivitamin, and also consider cutting gluten and dairy for a week or two to see how this impacts their thoughts and behavior.

4. Reduce screen time. As adults, we can see how being constantly connected can increase our own anxiety and racing or stuck thoughts. How much more does this constant connection to a screen negatively impact our children's developing brains? Try gradually cutting down by 5-10 minutes per day and make sure there are no screens close to your child's face at least one hour before bedtime.

5. Use an art project to help cope with worries. Decorate an empty jar, tissue box, or shoebox. Write down worries on sticky notes or small slips of paper and put them away in the box daily. After a couple of weeks, take a look at the worries and have a conversation with your child about what patterns they notice—did any worries keep coming back? Which ones came true and which ones didn't?

6. Give your child ways to talk back to their worries. Most of the time, kids have worries that keep repeating and the outcomes are almost never true. So, having them say to their worries things like, "I've heard that one before!" or "Quit lying to me, brain!" can help them feel more empowered to cope with their worries and remind them that they do have control over their thinking.

7. Make sure you are getting enough quality, one-on-one time with your child. Even just 30 minutes per week can make a world of difference in helping a child feel secure. Also make sure you are doing fun little things together as a family in the middle of your busy schedules!

It's hard to see our kids worry about things. Giving them useful tools, and helping their growing bodies and brains have the best foundation to implement those tools, can have a lifelong impact on their self-confidence and resilience.

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• Promotes/supports a healthy nervous system

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*These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product(s) is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease.